Sightless Acrimony
by Fallen Ark Angel
Summary: Just for the record, giving up your eyes to your girlfriend if she went blind doesn't make you a good person. It makes you stupid. And if there's anything Bickslow's not, it's stupid. Most of the time. - One-shot.


Sightless Acrimony

"If I ever went, like, blind, would you give me one of your eyes?"

Not even glancing over at her boyfriend, Lisanna said, "I don't think it works that way."

"But if it did?"

"Mmmm…I dunno. Is blue really your color?"

"Everything is my color."

Rolling onto her stomach, she said, "So we would just both be able to see with one eye?"

"Yeah. We could even get matching eye patches."

"And you can just get an artificial one like Erza because-"

"Because gross, who wants to be like Erza?"

"I think mostly everyone."

"Mmmm…I wouldn't mind her boobs. If I was a woman."

"Uh-huh."

"So would you do it?"

"Sure," Lisanna told him with a slight smile.

Bickslow reached over to pat her on the head. "Thanks, kid."

Silence fell over them for a moment or two as the seith laid on his back, staring up at the ceiling as he smoked, and Lisanna just laid on his living room floor with him, watching lazily as his babies floated around.

"Would you do it for me?"

"Hmmm?"

"Would you do it for me?" she repeated.

"Do what for you?"

'Bickslow."

"What?"

"Would you give me one of your eyes," she clarified. "If I went blind."

"Oh." He blew his smoke up in the air before taking a breath and saying, "No."

That made Lisanna push up onto her knees so that she could stare at him, there in the darkness. "What?"

"Why would I?"

"I just said that I-"

"And? That's your stupid decision."

Lisanna blushed. "Fine! Then I take it back. I'm keeping both my eyes."

"No take backs."

"Yes, take backs."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Ye-"

"Lissy," he sighed, glancing over at her. His helmet was off and they were able to lock irises. "My eyes? They're part of my magic. I can't give that up. Would you give up one of your animal souls for me?"

"Why would I ever need to?"

"You're avoiding the question."

"You're turning out to be a crappy boyfriend."

Looking back up the ceiling once more, he said, "I'm flattered, really, that you would give up part of your eyesight for me. But that's because you're, you know, simple."

"Simple," she repeated slowly. "Out of the two of us, I'm the simple one?"

"Yeah."

"Between me and you? Are you serious?"

"What are you trying to say here, kid? That I'm the simple one?"

"Uh, yeah, Bicks. I am."

He inhaled before saying, "How so?"

"Gee, let's count the ways."

"Go on."

"You don't even know how to make toast without burning it."

He growled then. "My toaster is complex, okay? The numbers and the pushy down lever thingy. I'mma need more reasons-"

"You're constantly asking me what words mean-"

"Well, your sister and friends shouldn't use such big words! I'm so sorry that some of us were slummin' it when we were children and didn't have a chance to build up a damn vocab-"

"You don't even know all the countries on the continent!"

"I do too!"

"Name them."

"Fiore…Seven…Bosco…J…J… This goes back to what I was sayin' before! So I'm not book smart. Who cares?" He was sitting up then too, blowing smoke feverishly. He was not about to be outshined by Lisanna. No way. "But I'm way more street smart."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Name one way that I'm not street-"

"Gee, Lisanna, how about the fact that you nearly got your damn self killed being-"

"I was a teenager!"

"And? And? So? Who cares? I-"

"You follow around a guy that most of the time couldn't care less about you!"

"Laxus loves me!"

"Laxus loves Laxus."

"You take that back."

"No! You take back what you said."

"Why should I when I said was true? Huh? Huh, kid? Can't take the truth anymore? Not when it's all intelligent and…un-simple?"

"What kinda person other than a simple one would use that kinda word?"

"People make up words all the time! What do you think, Lisanna? That all these words that we're using right now weren't invented at one time or another? Huh?"

"You can't just invent words, Bickslow!"

"And why the hell not?"

"Because there's no need to do so anymore!"

"I feel the need!"

"Because you don't know that many words because you're-"

"My parents died, Lisanna! I didn't have a damn big sister to teach me shit!"

"Oh, and mine didn't die? I didn't go through stuff too?"

"I'm not saying that, but-"

"That's exactly what you're saying. You always-"

"Stop telling me what I always do. You have no idea what I always do. You-"

"Yes, I do! Of course I do. It's so obvious. Because you _always do it_."

He growled. "I'm getting' real tired of you right now, kid."

"Stop calling me a-"

"Kid, kid, kid!"

"Stop it!"

The babies were going crazy then, upset that their master was fighting with his girlfriend. It wasn't so much a rare occurrence as it was a frequent one. Lisanna and Bickslow could get into it about he stupidest of things. Once, she'd been spending the night and had the audacity to clean up some the next morning, while he was off training.

And if there was anything Bickslow didn't like, it was for people to mess around in his stuff.

Not that Lisanna wasn't at fault a lot too. She had an immature streak a mile long. And, thanks to Mirajane and Elfman, a lot of entitlement problems. And Bickslow didn't take that from nobody. You pulled your own damn weight. If there was anything he despised more than smoking bans, it was weakness.

And when people defamed Laxus.

That was a biggie too.

"You know what?" Bickslow was jumping up then, still puffing acrimoniously away at his cigarette. "This is about me not giving you a damn eye? Then I'mma give you one."

"You- Wait, what?"

"You want an eye? Huh? Huh?" He stabbed his smoke out in the ashtray on the coffee table before marching off over to his kitchen. Lisanna and the babies were quick to follow.

"Bickslow-"

"I'll give you a damn eye." He was pulling open one of the drawers then, retrieving a knife quickly. "You want one, Lissy?"

For a second, her own blue ones widened. Then she decided to call his bluff.

Because he was crazy, but…but…

No.

Err…

"The right one," she said as she crossed his arms and stared him down, there in the gloomy kitchen.

His red irises flashed green then, glowing in the darkness as the babies made noises, the only thing keeping them from falling into silence then.

Then he was staring down at the knife and Lisanna was practically Ever then, watching him stonily. But oh! He was gonna show her! He was…he…

There eyes met again and Bickslow couldn't help the grin that spread across his lips as Lisanna looked off, letting out a slight breath. Quickly though, that break turned to giggles.

Bickslow had that sinister guffaw of his going then, tossing his head back as he dropped the knife. And Lisanna was about falling over in giggles as the babies, happy once more, took to laughter too.

"Would have really let me-"

"No! Would you have-"

"Of course not!"

Because as quick as their anger was to arise, it only took a moment or two for it to disperse.

"But," Lisanna said as they became somber once more, even the babies finding it in themselves to be quiet, just for that second. "I'm not giving you an eye either now."

"I wouldn't have taken one anyways."

"Oh, yes, you would have."

Snickering, he picked up the knife and tossed it in the sink. Lissy had this weir rule about how if things fell on the floor, you had to wash them before you ate with them again.

Go figure.

"Maybe," he said. "You know, it's like I said; my eyes are my magic."

"Uh-huh."

"They are!" Then, straightening, he walked over to her. Patting at his chest, he said, "But even if I wouldn't give you either of my eyes, kid, you wouldn't need them."

"Why not?"

"Because." Bickslow reached out with a grin, tongue falling from his mouth as he tapped her on the head gently. "I got you, kid. You'd come live with me forever and mme and the babies would care for you."

"Being blind wouldn't make me helpless, you know."

"Nah," he agreed. "But it'd change things, huh?"

"Well, duh."

"So see?" He was heading back into the living room once more, going to reclaim his spot on the ground. Wiggling his pack of smokes from his pocket, he lit up and took a puff before saying, "You don't need sight anyhow. You'd do the same for me, huh? Take care of me? If I, like, lost a limb or my eyes or something?"

"Yeah." Slowly, she went to sit back down on the floor, the babies following. "Of course. I mean, being as old as you are, I am gonna have to care fo your, huh? In your old age."

"Five fucking years."

"Five years that I don't have on me, which, obviously, makes you older."

"Older, but not old."

"Mmmm…you're pretty old."

Laying on his back once more, he shut his eyes as he inhaled before saying, "Hey, kid?"

"Hmmm?" She was on her stomach once more, some of the babies coming to land on her back and rest for the night.

"I might not give you, like, my eyes, but you know I got your back, huh? For real?"

Lisanna only grinned before laying her head down and closing her own eyes. "For real."

* * *

**Random little Bickslow and Lisanna moment for no good reason. Honestly, it's harder coming up with titles than it is anything else these days. **


End file.
